fun day

God and Dog

God summoned a beast from the field and He said, "Behold man, created in my image.

Therefore adore him. you shall protect him in the wilderness, shepherd his flocks, watch over his children, and accompany him wherever he may go - even unto civilization, you shall be his companion, his ally, his slave."

"To do these things," God said, "I endow you with these instincts uncommon to other beasts: faithfulness, devotion, and understanding surpassing those of man himself. Lest it impair your courage, you shall never foresee your death. Lest it impair your loyalty, you shall be blind to the faults of man. Lest it impair your understanding, you are denied the power of words. Let no fault of language cleave an accord beyond that of man with any other beast - or even man with man.

Speak to your master only with your mind, and through your honest eyes.

"Walk by his side; sleep in his doorway; forage for him, ward off his enemies, carry his burdens, share his afflictions; love him and comfort him. And in return for this, man will fulfil your needs & wants - which shall be only food, shelter & affection.

"So be silent and be a friend to man. Guide him through the perils along the way to the land that I have promised him. This shall be your destiny & your immortality." So spoke the Lord.

And the dog heard and was content.

*Author Unknown*

Basic Rules for Dogs

Newspapers: If you have to go to the bathroom while playing in the front yard, always use the newspaper that's placed in the driveway every morning for that purpose.

Visitors: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your concern.

Barking: Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark--a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night and hearing your protective bark, bark, bark...

Licking: Always take a big drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel.

Holes: Rather than digging a big hole in the middle of the yard and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so they won't notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they'll think it's gophers. There are never enough holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.

Doors: The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the family dog to sleep.
The Art of Sniffing: Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your duty, as the family dog, to accommodate them.

Dining Etiquette: Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor. It's also a good time to practice your sniffing.

Housebreaking: Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house as possible.

Going for Walks: Rules of the road: When out for a walk with your master or mistress, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.

Couches: It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all your humans have gone to bed.

Playing: If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, use the flower bed to absorb your fall so you don't injure yourself.

Chasing Cats: When chasing cats, make sure you never--quite--catch them. It spoils all the fun.

Chewing: Make a contribution to the fashion industry. ...Eat a shoe.

*Author Unknown*